Between the Lines
by xxsparklesnick
Summary: She decided to read each and every unopened letter, to rip open every wound she had ever stitched closed. You can lie to everyone else, but in the end, you just can't lie to yourself. Love is just four letters, but a dictionary just can't do it justice.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Nope. I still don't own Twilight, and it belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

A/N: So, I couldn't help it. :P I know I should worry about my unfinished stories before I venture into another, but let me tell you that is completely necessary. Lately I've haven't had any muse at all, and I have been getting back into the swings of things. Anyway, writer's block and a longing for some deep emotion/angst, and you've basically got this story.

So, have you read my one-shot "Growing Pains"? If you haven't, then I would suggest reading that before reading on, because this story takes place after it. It is not necessary at all to read it, but if you do it will make a hell of a lot more sense in the beginning. So many people asked me to continue and wondered what happened after the one shot, and well, I'm a sucker for that kind of thing...plus, I kind of wanted to know in full detail myself.

So, without further ado...can I get a quick drumroll, please?

No, just go ahead and read. :P

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Dearest Isabella,_

_Hello, love. Are you well? I don't have much time to write to you today, something I deeply regret. It seems like I have less time each and every day, though I certainly do what I can. You have always deserved the very best, and I can only hope that whoever you choose to spend your time with is lathering you with the attention you deserve. It seems like ages ago that I left you, and yet I remember that night with perfect clarity. It's difficult to think about it, so most of the time I don't. It sounds simple enough, but it's more difficult than even I would like to believe._

_Instead I think about other things when I'm out here, and to be quite honest, I'm not sure I would make it if I didn't. It takes a strong man to live like this, to go day to day and still manage to be sane. I always wanted to be strong for you. It might be a partial reason why I'm here, though every night I wish I was elsewhere. When I'm out here, though, I think about what it will be like when I get back. I think about how I will be a new man for you, and how it will help us. I think about how I can hold you in my arms again. I think about your smile, your enchanting laugh, and the way you blush when I give you just the smallest compliment. You never did get used to my attention, though I couldn't ever understand it. I suppose it's something I will need to work on further when I return to you._

_Sometimes, I wonder what you think about when you are alone and in bed. Do you wonder what it will be like, too? You sounded so sure that day, and when you told me to leave I wasn't sure whether or not to believe it. You were always so compassionate Bella, and I should have known not to hurt you in that way. It is a decision that I regret every day that I am out here, and yet part of me does not care to take it back. Is it not better that I am out here, doing as I intended? Is it not better for us that I return to you the changed man I swore I would be? You never understood my decision, but I always knew it would be right. I needed to be worthy. I still do need to be worthy._

_I wonder if you're happy or not. I wonder if you miss me half as much as I miss you, as well. There are a thousand things I miss about you, and too many than I can even begin to list. For one, I miss the scent of your hair. I miss the way it felt when I twirled it around my fingers. I miss the way you smiled for me when I approached, how your heart beat. I miss the way your face lights up with excitement, the way you tilt your head when you're confused. I miss the way you bite your lip when you're nervous. I miss the way you say my name, as if I am some god and not the flawed individual you never saw in me. I miss the way you look at me. You look at me always as if I am the most important person in the world, as if all else doesn't matter. It is truly amazing, and not something I can say I deserve._

_I miss you. I miss holding you. I miss comfort. I never thought of us like that, but I suppose it has always been that way. You are comfort, familiarity, and yet you surprise me every day I am with you. You are thrilling and new even when you are old and cherished. Never a moment with you is one that I do not appreciate, and I only wish you understood that._

_I will keep thinking these thoughts as I count down the hours I am away. I need to be going now, and I only hope this letter gets to you safely. Maybe you too, then, can think some of these thoughts._

_Missing you always, my angel,_

_Edward_

Her entire body seemed to tremble as she finished the note, tucking it safely into her purse and attempting once more to hold her tears at bay. It was difficult to hold herself together when a large majority of her screamed that she was falling apart, all of the carefully glued and stitched pieces finally breaking apart at the seams. She supposed it was what she got for keeping all of this locked in for so long and believing that it could stay that way. Emotions were complex things, and there was never much chance of keeping something bottled in for too long. One way or another, she supposed, it had to explode at one point.

It didn't seem right that it all happened now, when finally all of the broken pieces of her heart seemed to be coming together and repairing themselves, gluing themselves for someone she had thought could do the job. While forgetting and hiding had always been her speciality, Jacob had done a wonderful job in aiding her in this mission. He was a constant distraction and always a relief in the beginning, like the last streams of sunlight in her life. When she felt the darkness had finally closed in on her, he was always the one who pulled her right back out. Marrying him had quite easily been one of the better choices in her life, and she couldn't regret that. It didn't matter what she felt now, because what she felt for him couldn't be erased.

After a while, she began to wonder what love was. It was difficult to understand, and while emotions were complex, there had never been a word more complicated, with so many contradicting ideas and definitions. Dictionaries could give you a thousand descriptions and adjectives and people could tell you a thousand different things, but none of it mattered in the end. In the end, it was your choice to define love for yourself. It was supposed to be easy to fall in love, and you were supposed to know when it was happening. Quick and easy they said it was, effortless, like the flutter of a bird's wings as it flew. It had been that way with him. Her eyes moved slowly over the words of the letter again, finally forcing herself to crumble it in her purse with every other read letter she had read over the past days.

When she had first met him she had been very young, unsure of which way was up and which was down. She'd been a teenager, naïve and foolish. It was easy to think you knew everything then when there was nothing to base it on. When you had no past experiences there was nothing to compare it to, and everything was new and exciting. The butterfly-in-your-stomach feeling was thrilling and a high she wished she could have stayed on forever. Her first kiss was romantic and automatic at the same time, and perfection had been the only word that had covered it. Back then, it had seemed like some sort of fairytale. She hadn't seen the problems or the bad parts of the relationship, only the sugar-coated love story, and it was she was supposed to see. It was all she cared to see, just a naïve teenager trying to get by – not quite an adult, but refusing to believe she was a child. In the end, it hadn't felt anything like falling, and she hadn't made any conscious decision.

Bella didn't think about what had happened as falling in love. It hadn't seemed like it then, at least. Everything had seemed right then, like there was never anything else. She hadn't wanted anything else. Every second of every day was new and exciting, and familiar and comforting at the same time. She couldn't help but fall head over heels, though she rather liked to believe that he had done so first. Everything about her pulled her in deeper and made her crave more, everything from his alluring crooked grin to his musical, light chuckle. It was the way he spoke, the way he thought, the things he did. It was the little things that caught her, that kept the butterflies coming. He wasn't perfect, though, but neither was she. She hadn't wanted him to be.

They were a fairytale, though, a happily-ever-after, after school drama couple. They were the envy, the only ones who survived past high school. Sweethearts, hand in hand, always together, always smiling, always laughing. They were two entities that made a single whole – it was always Edward and Bella, Bella and Edward. It was always 'hey, Bella, when are you and Edward coming?' because everyone knew they couldn't stand more than a couple hours apart. It was perfect. It was right. It wasn't falling, it was floating. It was flying, it was soaring. She had never wanted to come down, either.

It had all come crashing down like the end of the story book, like the new twist in the drama that causes the viewers to send the outraged letters to the screenwriter, in hopes it might actually change anything. Back then, she liked to believe she never could have predicted it, but she should have known all along. Perfection didn't have a place in reality, and shooting for the stars usually just meant disappointment when you realized you could never quite reach. No matter how far you aimed and reached, they were millions of years away, no matter how hard you looked at it. Perhaps she had seen it coming, she liked to think. Perhaps she had known all along, but chose to ignore it. No princess ever wanted to see flaw in their prince. Cinderella never questioned Charming, she just went with the flow. She let herself fall happily, swept up into his arms and rode away in the sunset.

Then again, Charming never left Cinderella. They ran off to the castle, leaving her old life and every hardship behind with a few simple words and a magical kiss. There was a difference between fairytale and reality, and how that line had ever gotten blurred she'd never know.

Things had never been like with Jacob. She had always known exactly what was wrong with their relationship, and had always been weary to change it. It had always been better with the flaws and the imperfections, and she could deal with that. They had their difficulties and struggles, she supposed. He only had so much patience and she could only lie to herself to a certain extent, but in the end, it had worked. With Jacob, it had never been like floating of flying. With Jacob, it had always seemed like insistent pushes and a few sharp tugs. People say love cannot be forced, but she begged to differ. If you want to bad enough, you can come to love someone. There are no butterflies or magical kisses, but perhaps that was just the way life was supposed to be. Perhaps she had always had high expectations, asked for more than she should. Perhaps she had always been as selfish as she felt now.

"Mrs. Black?"

A short breath left her as she turned her head toward the doorway, biting down on her lip and pulling herself quickly from her thoughts, a bit relieved. It had taken a while for the nurses to get used to her name, and it irritated her every time they got it wrong. Perhaps it was just because she was used to hearing the name 'Black' referred to her, or perhaps it was just that sometimes she still remembered when it had been the same for 'Masen'. Either way, it didn't matter. Either way, she didn't care to think it over.

"Yes?"

"I'm going to need to ask you to leave soon," the nurse told her shyly, shifting a bit from one foot to the other. Bella had come to know her as Angela. She was a soft-spoken, rather meek woman, but she was the friendlier of the nurses. When she looked at her, at least, Bella did not see the pity of the confusion that the others had written all over their faces. It was something she was used to, but a relief she was happy she didn't need to deal with nevertheless. She smiled a bit in return, nodding her head simply.

"Thanks, Angela." She paused for a moment, tugging her bottom lip between her teeth as her eyes fluttered to the bed on the other side of the small hospital room. "Can I ask when he's going to wake up?"

Angela's eyes followed her gaze, and she let out a quiet sigh. Bella turned back in time to see her give a dainty shrug, and the sympathetic look told her exactly what she needed to know. "No one can be quite sure. The doctors are saying another day or so, but it all depends on how well his body responds." Angela's mouth curled up a bit at the tips, and she turned to leave once more. "You are very lucky. He's in much better shape than some of the others. In fact, he should make a full recovery with only a bit of permanent scarring."

Permanent scarring. She cringed at just the thought, shaking her head. This wasn't where her mind needed to wander at the moment. It was a few more moments before Angela left the room, giving her yet another smile as she did. It was another moment before she found the strength to get to her feet once more and cross the small distance between her and the bed. It was even longer before she found the courage to take his unresponsive, cold hand, the tears finally springing and pricking at her eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered as she squeezed gently, wishing she knew what else to say. "I'm sorry for everything. I never wanted any of this to happen. I never wanted you hurt."

Her words were choked up as she shook her head, finally letting go of his hand and placing a soft kiss to his forehead. "Get better, please. Please be okay."

Her shoes clicked against the floor as she headed out to the waiting room, but the large arms that engulfed her just didn't seem as comforting anymore.

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A/N: So, what did you think? :) Good, bad, worth continuing? To be really honest, I do love the way this story is coming out. It's a bit more mature and very emotional, but then again, a lot of my work is. While I tend to reveal stuff very early on in my stories, this one is a far cry from anything else I've written. I'd love some feedback, whether positive or negative.

Now, as for updating my other stories, I know I'm letting you down. I'm trying very hard to get back on track, but the thing is that I'm very busy lately, and when I'm not, sometimes I just can't find it in me to write. When it comes to Unread Messages, it's just a matter of planning. I like to know where I'm going with the story so I'm not just winging it chapter by chapter, and I haven't been able to do it with UM - I definitely didn't do it with YGL!. :P That was a completely chapter by chapter story, while NDM was carefully planned out and I knew how it would end the entire time (how I got there did vary a bit, though, haha).

Okay, glad that's out of the way. I will try to get some updates out, and I'm very sorry for the waits. I will try and get updates out as frequently as I can, and all the broken promises are so horrible, I know. I'm sorry if I haven't replied to your PMs, but I'm also going to try and get better at that, too. xD Consider all of this a very belated New Years resolution, hah. (;

Anyway, like I was saying before, I'd love to hear your suggestions, comments and thoughts on this story. You know how much I love that. I'm such a sucker for a good, long review.../cough

Thanks!

Yours,

Nicky


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight.

A/N: Yes, I decided to continue on with this story. :) I liked the concept way too much not to give continuing it a go, especially after all of those wonderful reviews! The response for this story is amazing! Thank you for all the nice comments, and I hope this chapter lives up to your expectations. A lot of you had questions, and I'll try to answer them at the bottom!

Until then, nothing to say but enjoy. ;)

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_Good morning, my darling Isabella._

_I wonder what time it will be when you receive this letter. It is just early morning here, perhaps the very worst part of the day. It is time of preparation. Everyone must be moving and about, and then my day will begin. We are doing terrible things today, things I will not inform you of, things I can hardly bear the thought of myself. There is much death and destruction here, it churns even my stomach. I am making up for sins in this hell, so I suppose I cannot complain, can I? _

_Please do not mind my musings, Bella. I do not mean to upset you. If you are reading this in the morning, please look out at the early rising sun for me -- I will be in bed, trying to sleep in the tent provided for me. Watch the sun rise, my beautiful. It is only the best for you. If you are reading this at night, look up at the stars and smile for me. They do not even begin to compare to your radiance, but they will do. _

_It's not often I have time to stop and think like this, but I try to find time each and every day to send you these letters. It does not bother me any longer that I get nothing in return. After all, I had not expected it, not truly. You are angry with me, and you have all the right to be. I cannot even begin to explain my actions that night, but if I may, I'd like to take the duration of this letter to do so._

_I did what I did because I am a very stubborn man. I do what I feel I need to, and there is little a time that I think before I act. Call me impulsive, if you will. You have seen this in the past. I did not give it a second thought when I got down on that knee and presented you my ring; I felt it was right, and I did what I knew. Fortunately, there is not a single doubt in my mind about that day. The day that we were wed was the single most happiest day of my life, and it forever burned in my memory. I remember it now as I sit out here. Do you remember it, too, Bella? Do you remember how stunning you looked in that wedding gown, the way everyone's eyes followed you? I could not take my eyes off you, either, but that was not new. That was only to be expected. You were the one I had my eyes on from the beginning… you were the one that saved me, angel. Do you remember that?_

_You saved me, but I was still broken. Drowning. I was not half the man that you deserved, and I still am not, to be quite honest. Most of the time I was a scared little boy. I jumped head first into situations, but I was so far over my head. I knew what I wanted, but I was not sure how to work my way through it. I had sinned, Bella. I had hurt. I needed to compensate, to make myself pure for you. Don't you understand that I did not wish to leave? I just didn't understand. I'd do anything for you, though. You have to realize that._

_The day that I drove away from that house was the day that a bit of me died. I felt myself falling apart, but I knew I could not allow myself to cry. I am not allowed to cry. I have never allowed myself to cry, I kept telling myself. Needless to say, I didn't. The moment I will cry is the moment I am back in your arms, the moment that it is finally all over and all is well. This is what I need, Bella. I will understand if you don't. If you do not wish to wait for me -- if you never return my letters, my love, my affection, and my complete and utter worship -- I fully understand. _

_You never understood when I told you that I wasn't worthy, and I cannot give you the reasons in this letter. There are things I've never told you, Bella, things you might not believe, but they are true. I will tell them to you, all of them. I was not strong enough to do it when I was with you. I was not strong enough, and that is why I am here. I am learning self-discipline, strength, control. I am learning honor, respect. I am learning everything I need to re-teach myself, including courage and the way to becoming a man. You would not understand, but I tried so hard to explain it to you._

_I do not expect this to be enough, but still I will imagine you waiting for me, for it is the only thing that will get me through this hell. Tell me, Bella, is it night there? Look at the moon for me, please… even if I cannot see it at the moment, I look at the same moon at night. We will never be worlds apart, because you will always have my heart. I'll imagine kissing you goodnight. I see you there now. I see you, laying down and closing your eyes. Close them tightly and dream sweet dreams. One day, I will be back for you. I promise you that, even if you do not take me in._

_I've left my heart with you. Check under every pillow, and if you cannot find it, I suppose we'll need to search together when I return. Until then, I will send you every bit of love and affection I am capable of._

_Yours Always,_

_Edward_

It took longer for her to fold this letter up and place it in her purse as she had done with every letter before. Slowly she was making her way through the rather impressive stack, wondering to herself idly every now and again how she managed to hold back on this for so long. Every letter brought with it a different feeling, a different emotion. Sometimes, she would smile sadly as she folded the letter up and laid it to rest, put in her purse for when she would exchange it for another in her memory box. Others, she found, only brought tears of distress, tears she would never be able to hide. Years of emotions were entirely too difficult to keep in, and she wondered why she had tried for so long.

The nurse was in and out all day today. Angela was a very pleasant woman, and Bella found that she liked being in her company. While sitting in this hospital room every day was anything but calming -- especially the way she chose to occupy her free time, never finding it in herself to actually spend it near the patient's bed -- she made it better, in the long run. She'd come in every now and again, full of concern, and sometimes she'd scold her. Bella had been here every day for a very long time.

There was something different about her, and it did not take a very intelligent person to see it. It was obvious, tangling right in front of everyone's noises, and she was not blind to the fact that others knew of her state. It was as if she was in a constant daze, her mind always somewhere else, never bothering to dwell on the present any longer. She stayed up until late in the night, tossing and turning to the point where Jacob had opted for the couch for the last week, grumbling that he could not get any sense of rest as she kicked and mumbled -- he had work early in the morning, and he could not afford those lost hours of sleep.

Most nights, she did not mind the empty bed. It gave her time in solitude to think on her own, to muse over the days she had spent in the washed-out hospital room, surrounded with the scent of the dying and the sick. In those moments, sometimes she took the time to wonder whether or not it was similar to what he had experienced so long at war, but reprimanded herself for it almost immediately after. It was nothing like it. What he had chosen to condemn himself to was unnecessary and harsh, and she would never understand, no matter how many explanations she read.

Bella could see it now, though she refused to believe it. Just a few steps forward toward the bed and she'd see all the proof that she needed to, the proof that she could have done so much more to prevent this. With vivid detail she recalled the night he had left her, the night she had screamed for him to go and he had readily agreed, much to her surprise, to her request. He had closed the door after him and left her gaping, and all she had done was watch as he drove away in that car, never to return.

Those lonely nights in the bed gave her time to mull over it, to think of it at a new angle that she had not before. Was there nothing she could have done to stop him, then? Could she not have attempted to listen? Could she not have talked to him first? If she had been rational, she might not be in the position, running a hand through her hair as she watched the nurses and doctors scurry back and forth, serious expressions on their faces. That, though, was debatable, and something she needed to remind herself of as she slumped back in the small chair.

Life was full of maybes and what ifs, but nothing was ever certain. How was she to know if things would have worked if he had stayed? She couldn't, and that was the simple fact of the matter, though some newly awakened part of her liked to deny it. There was a new set of rules now, and a thousand more consequences. Time had happened, and though the wounds had been reopened, she knew she'd need to heal again. There was simply no other way.

Angela was right on time, just like she was every day around noon. She slipped in quietly as if not wishing to disturb; when she found Bella reading a letter, she was always quick to leave, and she did not ask questions. It became a silent agreement that when she was reading she did not want to be disturbed, and Angela, much to her relief, understood that. There were times when it could not be helped, but as of late, it had not been so. Angela came along without fail everyday around noon, so much that it seemed to become routine.

"Bella?" her soft voice rang out through the small hospital room, stepping in almost shyly. Bella watched as she stepped in with her clipboard as she always did, her scrubs and her glasses, her pencil stuck behind her ear. She was almost a calming presence to her now, though it was hard to say so, considering the circumstances.

"Yes, Angela?" she questioned, already knowing the question that the young woman would ask. They went through this everyday, and now she was sure it was routine. It was something to keep her grounded, one of the only things that managed. There was not much holding her to earth anymore. If anything, she seemed to be floating, lost and not sure what to grasp onto. Just when she was sure, it all seemed to be quickly pulled away from under her, as if she was not allowed certainty.

"Would you like me to bring you some lunch?" Angela asked, just as she had predicted. She smiled at the woman gently and she returned the smile back, her own small but genuine. She knew well enough that Angela was not required to come in everyday and ask the question. She was not required to check on this patient as much as she did, but she did so anyway. Bella could not hide the small feeling that it was because of her, but she could not ever complain. Angela made this far more bearable, after all.

"No, thank you," she breathed quietly, and just for that quick moment, her eyes found their way toward the bed. Her breath caught in her throat as she swallowed down the sick feeling it brought her, seeing his body lying there, completely motionless. He had made small shifts, but nothing drastic. There was recovery, but it was not fast enough for her liking. She was not sure what she was waiting for, but she knew that she needed that man healed. If he was not better, she would not be able to begin her own recovery, and she had someone else waiting on her.

"Are you certain?" Angela asked, a bit more persistent this afternoon. She could only shake her head, to which she was given a frown, and a small, concerned sigh. It was not right for her to worry the other woman so, and she should have said something of the sort. She supposed she should have reassured her that she did not need worry about her, but she would not have been able to find the words. She should have said that she was fine and the woman did not need to check up on her as often as she did, but there was no way for her to do so. Whether she believed it or not, it was nice to have company, especially those like Angela.

"Yes, Angela. I'm sure," she found herself saying instead, letting out a soft sigh of her own. As of late, she didn't eat very much. Whether it was from stress, nerves, or simply because she had lost her appetite, she supposed she'd never know, nor think to figure out. Either way, there was not a single doubt in her mind she would not be able to eat in this small hospital room, and she, just like every day before, did not care to try. "Thanks, though."

Angela seemed to notice where her eyes had wandered, and her gaze, for just the shortest while, wandered there too. Her eyes focused on the hospital bed where her patient laid, before another sigh escaped her parted lips. She turned back and cleared her throat, and Bella turned her attention once more, pulled from her thoughts. "Would you like to know the newest details, Mrs. Black?" she asked her quietly, and Bella only nodded her head.

This was the part of the routine that she hated the very most. She waited every day for this, though, if she was to be honest. Every day she waited for the news that he would wake, all the while dreading the moment that she did. How would she face his scarred face? How would she look him in the eyes? Could she stay, or would she run, exactly as he had? Maybe, in the end, there was no maybe. Bella wished to convince herself of that, but it was harder to do so with every passing minute. There was only so long that you could fool yourself, that part of her repeated for the millionth time. That part of her was reasonable, but completely irritating.

"The doctors say that Mr. Masen is moving along very well. His injuries are slowly beginning to heal themselves, but of course it will take time. It is getting easier to see where the permanent damage will be, now." The words 'permanent damage' swirled over and over on a loop, but she refused to let them sink in, not wanting to guess at their meaning. It was easier to be in the dark, Bella had found rather soon. Easier, but not always completely preferable. "He should be awake soon, Bella. Very soon, actually. He has been in and out for a while, but he should be fully conscious in just a matter of time."

There was silence that fell over the room. Bella wanted nothing more than to respond in some way, but there was simply no way of doing it. Her breath was caught in her chest as she looked back over at the hospital bed, not sure which emotion was the most dominant in that one single moment. Was this relief that she felt, coursing through her entire body, or something else entirely? Everything was so blurred that lately she could not even tell the difference. Bella didn't take the time to try.

Before she was thinking she was moving, toward the hospital bed where he laid there, still motionless. There were machines hooked up to him, scars littering his beautiful ivory skin, but there was no doubt in her mind that he was still very much the same man. She could see the high cheek bones, scratched now, marred. She could see the strong, square jaw that she had always admired. She could see the perfectly straight, angular nose. Now she saw the scar running through his eyebrow to his forehead. She saw the burns on his arms. She saw everything, and it nearly broke her.

Her next action was one she had not expected. Vaguely in the background she heard the sound of fading footsteps as she took the man's hand, gently bringing it to her hand to kiss. The action alone brought tears into her eyes as she squeezed gently, trying to hold them at bay the very best that she could. "Wake up, please. Wake up." She wasn't sure, though, whether she could deal with that. She wasn't sure whether or not she wanted that, or whether she wanted more to run from her problems. In life, there always seemed to be an easy way out. It was her choice, now, to choose whether or not she took it.

However, she knew she needed to see those green eyes just once more, no matter what she told herself. She needed to see him alive and well, not motionless and pale like this man in the bed. She needed to be able to see him smile, just one more time before she let him go. There was no way to go around it, not anymore. Bella wasn't sure why she tried.

"Bells?"

The word was hesitant as he called out to her, the husky voice that she had come to be so familiar with. With a steadying breath she turned to see him, not bothering to drop the man's hand. Jacob had been much more accepting than she had thought he would be, but he seemed to understand, to some extent. That was enough for her. "Yeah, Jake?" she managed, dabbing quickly at her eyes to rid herself of the tears that had threatened to fall.

"Ready to go?" His voice was weary, and Bella knew he felt like he was treading on thin ice. She was here all the time. Always sitting in this room, always just watching, reading the millions of letters she had received. She had opened her box. It lay under their bed now, not pushed to the very back of the closet. Jacob saw the changes, and he didn't know how to respond. She didn't know how to explain. There was no solution, but she saw his growing irritation. "Charlie wants to have dinner. Bella, he's concerned for you. We all are."

"I know, Jake. I know I should be eating more, but --"

"Bella, it's not even that." His voice was gentle, soft, but there was an undertone there that I knew all too well. He was attempting to keep his voice down, and she appreciated that. Making a scene in the middle of the hospital was not what she needed right now. "You're here all the time. It's been two weeks, and you've come every single day. You've sat in this room every single day and you've stared at that bed like you'd start to see something knew. I just don't get it, Bells. I thought you said you didn't…" He trailed off, trying to see if he had upset her. A lot of little things set her off lately, and even she knew it best to admit it.

"It's not like that," she sighed, shaking her head. Jacob wouldn't understand. She didn't know how to explain. If she was being honest, she didn't want to try. He didn't need to know, she didn't want to hurt him, and there was no need for the truth. She had hid from it for years, and there was absolutely no sense in reveling in it now. In the end, the truth only served to hurt. "We had something, Jake, but not anymore. He left me. I don't… have feelings for him. Not since I married you. You know that." She spoke the words as if speaking to a child, because she had said them a thousand times over. Jacob needed reassurance constantly. Sometimes, she needed to say the words to reassure herself.

"I know, Bella. Sorry." He was trying to grin, but Bella could see it wasn't working. It failed miserably, and he stepped closer, that odd little half-grin on his lips. It wasn't her grin. She didn't like it. There was no longer a gap between their bodies as she fixed that quickly, feeling the need to reassure him. She did love him. Somewhere along the line, she had found a way to love him. There was not a doubt about that. Jacob had been there. Jacob was strong, and smart, and comforting, and familiar, and a wonderful man. He was a wonderful husband, as well.

Best of all, though, Jacob hadn't left her.

"Love you, Bells." He pressed his lips gently against hers, and she returned the gesture, wondering why it didn't feel like it used to. Jacob's kisses were pleasant, but now with his hand still in her own, the memories came back. Memories of butterflies in the stomach and passion she hadn't even thought to dream of. Thoughts of soft, full, pouty lips that had constantly driven her mad. Thoughts of… She pushed it at away, Jacob pulling away in response.

"You too, Jake," she breathed, not able to get anything else out.

"See you in the car."

All she could do was nod as she watched him leave, and then just like almost every day, she turned back to the bed. She looked down at his scarred face and something in her broke, something she had thought had long since healed. With a sigh, she let go of his limp hand, giving him one last squeeze. "Wake up soon, Edward. Please wake up soon."

* * *

A/N: So, what did you think? Like I said last chapter, I love long reviews that give me criticism and give me more than the average 'update soon plz!' review. Even though, yes, I do get really happy when I read those, too. :P It's good to know someone wants me to keep going, so even that much is definitely worth it. Nah, I'm not that selfish, guys.

A lot of you guys asked questions about Edward, and I hope some of them were answered by this chapter. If not, hang in there, it's probably done on purpose. :P There is a lot of things you don't know about this story. It is actually very complex and a bit more mature than my others, so, yes. Just keep that in mind while reading!

As for updates on my other stories, yepp. It's all coming soon. I'm getting back into the swing of things!

So, you guys know what to do. Just press the pretty button and give me your thoughts! ;D


	3. A Note to My Readers

Dear Readers,

I feel terrible. I know I've promised over and over that I'll get back on a schedule with my writing, and I've always managed to break those promises. Here's the thing, though, and I hope you'll be able to understand:

I've been incredibly busy lately, with both good and bad things. First off, there's my own life. I'm just getting everything together after a move, so that gives me little time to sit down and write anymore without having to jump on and onto the next thing, and I'm sure you all understand the feeling. I'm just all over the place!

Now, besides that, my sister just experienced the death of her husband. It's a horrible thing to think about and he was also a good friend of mine, so we're all grieving. I've been doing what I can to help her get her life back on track as well, and I just haven't been able to find my muse. Even before this I've been having writer's block, and I'm sure you all know by now. I've just been in a bad state lately, and trying to pull myself together. You can imagine how this affected my writing, since I'm sure anyone who writes has probably experienced something like this. At least with me, my mood is always a factor.

So, where does this leave us? At first, I planned to try and see if I could take a break from writing, at least on this site. I didn't really want to go into it when there was so much that I was dealing with on my own. The thing is, though, I have been reading all of your reviews, and every single one of your messages. I haven't had the time to respond, but like always, I love hearing your thoughts!

Thank you so much for your support and your kind words. (:

Thanks to you, I've not only been nominated for several categories on several award sites (which surprised me more than you know), I've also actually won an award, and that's something amazing in itself. The fact that I have people who would vote for my writing here and seem to like it enough truly is something.

Now, when I say I'm going to get back to writing, I'm not promising anything. I'm not going to push myself into a schedule and back myself into a corner, because, to be honest, I don't think I can manage it. I do want to finish the stories I have started to tell, though, and I do have plenty more ideas. I've been experimenting with a lot of different things, and I'd love to share them with you.

Now, what can you expect? I've started plenty, and I haven't been doing much finishing. I promise, eventually, Crumbling Walls, Unread Messages and Between the Lines will get finished. However, things have been changing in my life, and with those experiences, what I want to write has been changing to. I will probably post new ideas, maybe a few one-shots, see where it goes. I hope to see you there!

Thank you so much, and I'm sorry for the rambling author's notes. I'd just like you to know that I do appreciate your reviews and your messages, and I'd love for you to keep them up!

Nicky


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